BREAKING: Columbia Council Meeting Features Traffic Lights with Attitude, Mystery Emails, Jail Time, and a Hotel Actually Opening Soon
ColumbiaPa.Online — The Only Local News Brave Enough to Sit Through a 3‑Hour Meeting So You Don’t Have To
By ColumbiaPa.Online News Staff (who need a nap now)
February 26, 2026
The Meeting That Had Everything: Drama, Mystery, Traffic Lights, and a Man Named Donnie
Columbia Borough Council convened Monday night in a meeting that can best be described as “Simmering Chaos with a Chance of Jail Time.” From mysterious emails to existential traffic signal debates to the long‑awaited hotel update, here’s everything you missed — and probably didn’t ask for.
🕵️♀️ THE MYSTERY OF WHO SENT WHAT TO WHO (AND WHEN)
Columbia resident Sharon approached the podium ready for battle, armed with a Right-to-Know response from Wrightsville Borough proving someone definitely sent police coverage numbers… sometime… possibly in 2024… maybe 2025… or in an alternate timeline.
Borough Manager/Police Chief Jack said:
“I didn’t send it last fall.”
Then added:
“But I did send it.”
Council: “We didn’t know.”
Mayor: “It was years ago.”
Sharon: “The paperwork says November.”
Jack: “Not THAT November.”
The crowd: confused murmuring intensifies.
Eventually everyone agreed the numbers were sent, but approximately nobody agrees on when. Historians will one day study this.
🚨 ENTER: THE EMAIL THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED
Next up, resident Jesse Sweigart asked the council the question everyone else has been whispering:
“Why hasn’t anyone publicly acknowledged the Very Suspicious Email™ that every news outlet received?”
Council’s response?
Personnel. Matters. Cannot. Be. Discussed.
This has now been said so many times that it should replace the Pledge of Allegiance.
🚗 THE TRAFFIC LIGHT THAT HAS BECOME SENTIENT
Resident Scott returned to express his ongoing feud with the traffic light at Fourth & Walnut:
“Nothing is coming. NOTHING. And I sit there for 90 seconds questioning my life choices.”
Officials explained there is a sensor…
…but only if you park exactly behind the white line…
…but not too close…
…but close enough…
…and also hope the bus doesn’t decapitate your bumper.
The official solution?
“We should probably upgrade it.”
Translation: “This light will outlive us all.”
👮♂️ CAN YOU BE POLICE CHIEF AND BOROUGH MANAGER?
Apparently yes.
The solicitor explained it’s perfectly legal and not a conflict of interest. Several other boroughs do it too.
Residents expressed “concern about the perception”.
Council expressed “we hear you but also we’re doing it anyway.”
The mayor chimed in:
“I’m the top cop.”
Plot twist of the century.
🏨 THE HOTEL IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING — NO, REALLY
Local icon Donnie presented the Certificate of Appropriateness for the hotel signage.
Council: “Looks good.”
Residents: “When does it open?”
Donnie: “End of July.”
Someone in the room: “June??”
Donnie: “I SAID JULY.”
The hotel is already booking wedding blocks. Columbia brides everywhere exhaled softly.
🚓 POLICE UPDATE: WE HAVE MORE APPLICANTS THAN CARS
- 13 new applicants test this Saturday.
- 1 cadet is in week 7 of the academy.
- 2 officers are in field training.
- Patrol staffing is thinner than the WiFi at Borough Hall.
Also, yes — patrol vehicles still sometimes stay running so electronics don’t freeze, explode, turn feral, etc.
🧹 CLEANUP DAY RETURNS!
Large appliance pickup is happening Friday, April 24.
Rain date: May 1.
Air conditioners? Maybe.
Microwaves? Sure.
Your ex’s couch? Probably not, but ask nicely.
🚨 JAIL & BAIL IS SATURDAY AND IT’S GLORIOUS
Council hyped this like it was the Super Bowl.
Participants include:
- The Mayor
- The Borough Manager/Police Chief
- The Market Manager
- And apparently retired trash collector Jack Gambi, who the community plans to “leave in there for a while.”
This fundraiser allows residents to pay to free or imprison local figures.
Democracy at its finest.
🏭 OLD WASTEWATER PLANT FINALLY SOLD (ALMOST)
Council approved the sale of 430 S. Front Street (the old wastewater treatment plant) for $565,000, as long as:
- They fix the borough address which somehow became “Corporate Boulevard, Lancaster”…
- They include the missing exhibits…
- And everyone pretends this sale didn’t take 4 geological eras.
CEDC will receive 1% ($5,650) for acting as middle‑man.
No, nobody really knows who the garages are sub-leased to.
Yes, someone asked.
No, the answer did not clear anything up.
COUNCIL’S WHOLESOME MOMENTS
- A new Bible was donated for swearing-in ceremonies.
- A U.S. flag draped over a councilman’s father’s coffin will fly at River Park.
- Everyone agreed Columbia’s road crew deserves a trophy for clearing the snow before residents even woke up.
Aww.
🔚 THE MEETING ENDS… SORT OF
Council voted to enter executive session for a personnel matter.
Everyone pretended not to immediately think about The Email™.
Meeting adjourned. Everyone sprinted for the exit.
NEXT UP:
Workshop Meeting – Tuesday, March 3, 2026, at 7 PM
Where council will vote on the Revenue Anticipation Note, also known as “the RAN,” which nobody in the audience recognized until someone explained it three times.
