Dear Columbia,
It’s me—your Borough. I know, I don’t usually write, but after this week’s headlines, I couldn’t stay quiet.
On Taxes
Remember last year’s 25% property tax hike? Yeah, I said it would fix things. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Now Council is warming up for another round. Apparently, I’m a bottomless piggy bank, and you’re the ones feeding me. My advice? Start carrying your wallets to council meetings. They’ll save time by taking the cash right there.
On Columbia Crossing
Turns out my riverside gem is rotting from the inside. Moisture trapped, beams weakened, columns crying for help. Repairs will cost $400,000, and I’m begging Harrisburg for $300,000. Translation: I’m applying for a grant because duct tape won’t hold me together forever.
On Leaves & Sweeping
Yes, I’m still sweeping your streets and collecting your leaves. Through Dec 12, I’ll keep tidying up, because soggy leaf piles are not a good look. But let’s be real—if you miss the schedule, don’t blame me when your storm drain looks like a compost bin.
On Veterans Day
I stood proud on Nov 11, honoring those who served. My streets echoed with gratitude, but I couldn’t help noticing: the younger crowd was thin. If you want me to have a future worth fighting for, I need my youth to show up—not just for Call of Duty, but for civic duty.
Final Word
I’m not just bricks, beams, and bylaws—I’m Columbia. And I’m tired of being managed like a leaky roof and a cash register. Taxes, rot, leaves, and memory: these aren’t just headlines, they’re my heartbeat.
So here’s my challenge: stop treating me like a burden, and start treating me like the hometown you claim to love. Because if I go down, you go down with me.
Yours sarcastically, Columbia Borough,
